Bipolar and Divorce - Story and Research :

The Stress of Divorce

• Stress typically exacerbates symptoms of bipolar disorder, and of course, divorce is very stressful. Bipolar women going through a divorce need to be monitored closely for symptoms. They may need extra support during this time.

http://www.ehow.com/facts_5855478_divorce-bipolar-women.html

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The Ugly Truth Of Bipolar Divorce

The fact is, people who are suffering from this illness need all the love and support they can get. Unfortunately, a bipolar divorce provides the opposite. People with bipolar disorder, though they may be hard to understand at times, need all the understanding they can find. After all, if they can’t understand themselves, someone should be there to guide them. Again, bipolar divorce will promote the opposite.

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When bad times come, it serves us well to think of the reasons why we fell in love with our partner in the first place, and we should strive to make the relationship work. That's what love is all about, after all — and that’s what marriage should be.

http://www.conqueranxietyanddepression.com/Bipolar/Articles/The_Ugly_Truth_Of_Bipolar_Divorce.php

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Thread: my bipolar husband wants a divorce

we have been married for eight years. he wants me to leave PA and go to where his family is in seattle.

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My bipolar husband wants to divorce

by Nadia » Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:32 pm

Hi, everyone!

First, I want to suggest i have been married for 15 years and , although it seems as though my manic husband has every right to divorce, the situation is much more complicated.

My husband had been sick when he was 14--16 years old - for all this period of time. Then he had been treated with lithium and it helped him a lot, he was completely healty since then. But in our country lithium was stopped from sale. I don't even want to comment our gouvernment, wich could cause the following consequences. My husband had been a healthy person all his life. He got sick as soon as he discontinnued the lithium and he has not stopped being sick since June, last year. I.e., he has been sick for more than one year.
Now he is manic, but I suppose it is a mixt state. He doesn,t want to be treated, he wants to change entirely his life, but what is the most terrible for me - he no longer feels love or another sentiments. Exept for hatred, surely, irritability and so on.

My question is - how do you think, will ever my husband come back - phisically and mentally, or he will always be another person. Because he is, he is not the same man he was before, and my grief is very big. I feel as if I became a widow, and he is dead.

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My Husband Is Depressed And Wants To Leave Me Or Get A Divorce

I get a lot of emails from wives whose husbands are dealing with some form of depression. The descriptions given run the gauntlet from clinical depression, to a chemical imbalance, to bipolar disorder, to manic depressive disorder. And, in today's very tough economic environment, folks feeling as though they are just not able to cope and who therefore shut down their feelings as a result are very much on the rise.

Of course, the depression affects everything in the husband's life – including your marriage. And, many of the wives who write to me want my advice on how to handle the husband's recent request for a divorce. It's logical to think that the depression is clouding the husband's perception and / or his ability to feel affection. Many wives tell me that their depressed husbands "feel nothing for anything or anyone, including me." So, again they logically blame the depression for robbing them of what was once their happy husbands.

These are tough situations because many of the wives know in their hearts that all of this negativity and divorce business is the depression talking, not the husband that they love. So, in the following article, I'll offer tips and advice on how to best cope with this situation.

Know That You Can't Tackle This Alone. People Who Are Depressed Have A Medical Condition: Before I get into telling you how to handle the request for a divorce, I first want to stress that no matter how much you love your husband, unless you are a medical professional who deals with depression, you can not and should not handle this alone. Most people who are severely depressed need medical help. This is a disease just like diabetes or cancer. It's no one's fault, but it can be managed.

Many wives tell me that they believe if they just love their husband through this or can make him happy or can show him that the marriage can be a positive influence in his life, his depression will lift. This can sometimes appear to happen, but it's not likely that severe depression is going to go away on it's on. And many times, the marriage isn't the cause of his depression, so fixing the marriage is not going to miraculously make it go away (although you should fix the marriage, as this is affecting you too.)

If your husband is not under a doctor's or counselor's care, gently suggest that you want him to be happy and believe that seeing someone could really help. If he already has a doctor, let that doctor in on what is going on. It may be that the depression truly has nothing to do with his wanting a divorce, but you don't know this so you should mention it so that the doctor can follow this up and dig a bit deeper. With that said, know that this isn't your fault and that you can only do the best that you can. It's just not a reality that you and you alone can make someone else happy or cure them of a medical condition through sheer will or positivity. These things can and do help, but it often takes much more than good intentions or a loving relationship.

How To Respond To Your Depressed Husband's Wanting A Divorce: Many wives are very tempted to do one of two things here. The first is to flat out tell the husband that you both know full well that this request is the depression talking. The other reaction is to try to be over accommodating and affectionate, hoping that if you can make your husband happy in the marriage again, the depression issue will just disappear.

The problem with both of these tactics is that they don't validate your husband. Your reactions are insinuating that he is wrong and that he's not mentally able to form his own perceptions or decisions. Many men tell me that this makes him feel like a child and that they very much resents this.

The better way to handle it is to listen calmly and to focus on the happiness issue. Tell him that you're deeply sorry that he's not happy right now because you love him and that his well being is your top priority. Tell him that for your part, you're going to focus on things that you can do to improve the relationship and communication between you. This is what you are able to control and contribute. What he is able to contribute is to see if he can work with his doctor so that he is approaching this from a healthy place. Tell him that you are fully aware that this still may result in the marriage ending, but at least this way you both know that you took control over what you could, and should you have to walk away, you will be able to hold your head high and will have peace in your heart knowing that you handled this in the most healthy way that you could.

You and I both know that you have no intention of allowing this divorce to happen or in letting your marriage end, but you should not share this information with him. If you do, he will think that you are attempting to manipulate him or that your loving stance is only meant to ultimately change his mind. You need him to be open to and receptive to you, so you can't do anything that would run counter to this.

At the end of the day, you can't force him or fool him into being happy with life in general or with his marriage. But what you can do is support him as he struggles, conduct yourself in a way that brings about positive rather than negative feelings, and have a certain degree of confidence that the combination of dealing with the depression and focusing on making the marriage better will turn this situation around so that you are both much happier in the end.

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new to group, bipolar wife wants divorce

My wife was diagnosed bipolar type II several years ago. We have been in and out of counseling for years. She is good about seeing her doc and taking meds. I have recently engaged in individual therapy and am just now confronting the issues I bring to the table. (alcoholism (not a daily drunk, but a once I start, can't stop drunk), depression/irritability (started taking meds for that and feeling much better), and emotional detachment. (doing better with that through therapy, meds, healthy lifestyle).

So my wife has told me she thinks she wants a divorce. We've been married 15 years and have three children. We are cohabitating for now and taking things one day at a time. We are communicating well about our kids. Planning the future is a bit overwhelming.

My wife says she will always love me, but doesn't feel like she is in love with me. She calls me her security blanket. I make her feel safe. But she is unhappy with herself and as a mother, and she wonders if she will be healthier alone. She says her desires to stay with me are for the wrong reasons: for the kids, afraid of what her family will think if we split up, etc.

I don't want to lose her. But I don't want to force her to stay with me for the wrong reasons. One day I feel like I should just leave and be done with it. Next, I really have to fight to respect her space and not hug her and tell her how much I love her.

We have been intimate since cohabitating, but are back to taking space.

Just throwing this out there in case it sounds familiar to anyone and if anyone has any advice. I love my wife dearly and want her to be happy with or without me as her husband.

...

I have bipolar disorder myself and I have been where your wife is. I have also felt like I was relying too much on my husband instead of standing on my own two feet and realized that it's not fair. I have even thought that I no longer loved my husband and was just staying with him for the security. I have thought that my husband deserved a better, healthier wife. So in my mind, the best thing to do is divorce.

Luckily, those feelings never last long for me and I recognize them for what they are - bipolar thinking - and I have never acted on them. I know that they aren't real and won't last long, so I ride it out and they do pass. I don't even share those feelings with anyone, including my husband because I know they aren't real.

I can't speak for your wife, so I can't say whether or not her feelings are also bipolar thinking. I'm just sharing my personal experience, for whatever it is worth.

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses-discussions/general-support/10379174-new-to-group-bipolar-wife-wants-divorce

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SEPARATION AND NOW DIVORCE

As some of you may know, my husband and I have been separated for 7 months now. From what I understand, it is not uncommon for bipolar patients and their spouses to separate. Yesterday, I received divorce papers. I cannot explain how I felt.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/spousesofbipolar/discussions/messages/6291649

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Are you married to a Bipolar Husband or a Bipolar Wife?

But if you’re like me, “bipolar disorder” is on your mind all the time. Your bipolar radar flashes when you second guess your bipolar husband’s financial decision making. Your bipolar radar arms when your bipolar wife drowns you in love and affection…because you know, very soon, you’ll be hunkered down protecting yourself from a painful verbal assault and threats of divorce.

http://www.marriedtomania.com/

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my wife wants divorce and says theres no hope

my wife and i have always had a pretty good relationship, until about 6 months ago. she was diagnosed bipolar and was reccommended counselling and meds. i went with her to every counselling to show my support for her, and to show her that i wasn't going anywhere, that i would always be there for her. (our relationship had hit the rocks for awhile and she was afraid i would try to find some one better). but i have never faltrered, hard as it may be sometimes, i love her with everything i am, and i am not going to give up on her and my kids. recently she stopped taking her meds and says that when she is not on them she can see how much i take advantage of her because i dont help clean the house enuff, and because i'm not as sensitive a guy as she needs. that i no longer make her happy. so on thanksgiving day she asked me for a divorce, and she refuses to even consider trying to work on our marriage at all, she told there is no hope for us. i dont know if this is because she is off her meds, or if maybe we really are over. we have been married for three years and have two children together. my family is my whole life and i trying to do anything i can to keep us together and make my marriage a happy one. i was wondering if anyone knows how to cope with something like this, and how to salvage what i have with my wife. i dont know how to show her she is the love of my life and i will do anything for her, but the marine corps has not given me any training on how to handle this part of my life... any help

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Hi there, I just want to share my own story regarding this one. I am also having some sort of problem with my wife. My wife also wants to have a divorce. She is diagnosed to have a bipolar and I do not know what to do with our relationship. I just want everything to turn out right and she just continue to disagree and just think that it will be no use at all. What should I do regarding this matter?

"I'm in your boat, man."

She is such an amazing and special person, and we've had a great mariage for the last 6 years. Now, for no real reason she wants a divorse!? She sais that she needs to go on a journey to find herself and that perhaps out there somewhere she may meet someone who can offer her what she needs. She also sais that I am such an amazing person and that somewhere out there is someone who deserves me!? Her explanations are in no way concrete. I've resigned to the fact that she has fallen out of love with me.

But reading your post has shook me in noticing the similarities,

http://forum.noeldouglas.com/Bipolar_Disorder/my_wife_wants_divorce_and_says_theres_no_hope

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my bipolar husband wants a divorce

we have been married for eight years. he wants me to leave PA and go to where his family is in seattle.

http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/251998-my-bipolar-husband-wants-a-divorce

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My bipolar husband wants to divorce

Now he is manic, but I suppose it is a mixt state. He doesn,t want to be treated, he wants to change entirely his life, but what is the most terrible for me - he no longer feels love or another sentiments. Exept for hatred, surely, irritability and so on.

http://www.psychforums.com/marriage-divorce/topic7566.html

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Life,

The direction your marriage takes depends primarily upon your wife's commitment to treatment. Her body's reaction to medications and your ability to support her also have effect.

When you are angry and afraid, it is easy to cling to hopeless stories found on the internet. They're not the only outcome.

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Q: I think my husband is bipolar and he wants a divorce. How do I get him help to stop this?

My husband is textbook bipolar symptoms: depression, suicidal thoughts, ... then out of the blue he comes home from work and tells me he wants a divorce because he doesn't love me anymore.

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What will happen if my husband is bipolar and he wants a divorce? 23 Answers as of November 09, 2012

My husband has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder which causes him to make very extreme decisions. He has currently decided he wants a divorce. We have started to divorce process and are currently discussing a legal separation. I'm not sure of the separation could benefit me or not.  ...

I genuinely believe his mental illness is causing him to feel this way and I am fighting for our marriage to work.

http://www.lawqa.com/qa/what-will-happen-if-my-husband-bipolar-and-he-wants-divorce

Bipolar II Disorder

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-2-disorder

http://www.bphope.com/Store/Catalog

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The Problem With How We Treat Bipolar Disorder

I had bipolar II disorder, like my father. With bipolar II, unlike bipolar I, the upward swing from depression stops at hypomania, not mania. Mania is having five grand pianos delivered to your house; trying to buy the Sears company; sleeping with the local baseball team. Hypomania is mania with a tether, and, while it might avert some of the financial and interpersonal disasters that unchecked mania may engender, it can still feel like a runaway train.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/magazine/the-problem-with-how-we-treat-bipolar-disorder.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

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The cover relationship killer: Bipolar Disorder Type II

http://www.helium.com/items/118152-the-cover-relationship-killer-bipolar-disorder-type-ii?page=2

Bipolar II & Relationships

http://www.livestrong.com/article/243449-bipolar-ii-relationships/

Bipolar II Forums

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-type-ii-discussions/introductions-personal-stories/page-2

Husband of bipolar II wife - please help!

http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=1712526

How to Identify Bipolar Symptoms in Women

http://www.ehow.com/how_4457453_identify-bipolar-symptoms-women.html

Bipolar II. Type 2 Bipolar Disorder.

http://www.treating-bipolar-and-anxiety-without-meds.com/bipolar-II.html

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Bipolar Girlfriend In Depressed Mood

It hurts me a lot because her pushing me away makes me feel like I'm not able to help her. I don't even feel like her boyfriend at all because I should be there for her but she won't let me. It simply feels like I'm being cheated on.

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Reply :

"Don't run when I push you away, it's when I need you most and want you to stay"
That saying is so true of most depressed people. They won't admit it, because they can't, but stick around and it'll mean the world to her.

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She needs someone that cares. Someone that's there. And someone that will stick around when things get tough.
Right now she doesn't need a boyfriend in the classic sense, she needs a close friend she can rely on.. If you truly care about her, be that for her. If you can't deal with having a different relationship then get out.

I was depressed for a time when I was with my ex. He was there for me, but he didn't understand the concept of space. He'd phone me so often that I had to turn my phone off.
When we were together he couldn't understand that I just wanted to sit there in his company.. I didn't want kisses and hugs every five minutes.

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How Do People With Bipolar Disorder Feel?

Depressive Phase

·        A person in a depressive episode feels more than "blue" or "down." To say they are tired is an understatement. They may be unable to do nothing but sleep. Or they may have a hard time sleeping. Either way, sleep disturbances interfere with daily activities. Their energy is nonexistent and they lose interest to the point where they may stop going to work or school. They may not take care of basic needs related to housekeeping or cleanliness. All the while their brain insistently reminds them about what they should be doing but they can't follow through. This leads to a downward spiral of feelings that fuel low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness. They can't make even simple decisions and they don't participate as a family member. Their emotional withdrawal makes them feel useless. Ultimately they believe they have no purpose in life. Then they can be haunted by thoughts of death or committing suicide.

http://www.ehow.com/about_5367524_do-people-bipolar-disorder-feel.html#ixzz2U6nDWPFi

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How Do People With Bipolar Disorder Feel?

By Sandi Busch, eHow Contributor

 

The biochemical imbalances of bipolar disorder (BPD) result in manic and depressive mood swings, each with their own distinct behaviors and feelings. In spite of tremendous energy spent trying to manage the symptoms, they defy control. They're overwhelming and they can result in devastating consequences. Those who have bipolar disorder must confront the extreme feelings related to the manic highs and depressive lows throughout their life.

1. Depressive Phase

   • A person in a depressive episode feels more than "blue" or "down." To say they are tired is an understatement. They may be unable to do nothing but sleep. Or they may have a hard time sleeping. Either way, sleep disturbances interfere with daily activities. Their energy is nonexistent and they lose interest to the point where they may stop going to work or school. They may not take care of basic needs related to housekeeping or cleanliness. All the while their brain insistently reminds them about what they should be doing but they can't follow through. This leads to a downward spiral of feelings that fuel low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness. They can't make even simple decisions and they don't participate as a family member. Their emotional withdrawal makes them feel useless. Ultimately they believe they have no purpose in life. Then they can be haunted by thoughts of death or committing suicide.

   Manic Phase

   • At first a manic phase is enjoyable. Feelings of invincibility and incredible energy become a force that can't be denied. They have the ability to do anything. Their mind never shuts down. This level of energy combined with a skewed and grandiose sense of self importance creates impaired judgment. This leads to reckless decisions and potentially dangerous behaviors such as alcohol and drug abuse. They require little to no sleep, eventually becoming exhausted. Still they can't sleep. They feel powerful, creative and virtually unstoppable. But as these feelings meet physical and mental exhaustion they may become argumentative and fly into a rage.

   Results

   • These extreme feelings persist for extended periods of time. For the remainder of their life they will have the daily task of facing the unknown---unpredictable moods, feelings, and behaviors. This creates unbearable pressure on those with BPD as well as their families, friends, and colleagues. Relationships are destroyed and jobs are lost, adding financial difficulties to the mix. The net result is an unrelenting level of stress and anxiety that consumes life.

   Stigma

   • Many people throughout society cling to false perceptions about the behavior and feelings of those diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In spite of science to the contrary, they think those with BPD must be in control of their feelings, that their behavior is a choice, and that if they only had more self-control they would stop. Sadly, this type of stigma only adds to the burden of those with bipolar disorder.

http://www.ehow.com/about_5367524_do-people-bipolar-disorder-feel.html

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My bipolar husband wants a divorce

Please help. I am hurt, alone, and terrified. My husband is slipping away from me, and I am helpless. He has asked for a divorce, and I believe he is having a fairly severe (for him anyway) bipolar episode causing irrational thinking, poor decision making, and erratic behavior. I have read so many stories similar to mine on this website in this forum and other bipolar related ones, so I know you all can give great advice. Here's my story.

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http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses-discussions/general-support/2842200-my-bipolar-husband-wants-a-divorce